This weekend I had time… TO MYSELF. It’s very rare for me… week days are spent doing my job – being a stay at home mum. Nap times and evenings are normally spent doing jobs and rarely relaxing and weekends are spent having family adventure time. I love all these things but sometimes I crave time for myself. Every few months I break the bank and go and get my hair done and I had this planned for ages for this weekend. It was glorious to be pampered, read magazines and chat with my lovely hairdresser without worrying about the girls. Josh is just as capable as me as a parent and I am not one who worries about leaving them with him.
Due to sickness and snow I hadn’t gone out with the girls all week and I was getting major cabin fever. On Saturday the weather was rainy and it was clear we weren’t gonna get out so when I got home from the salon I decided to pop to our nearest town. I say “pop” as a joke. Our nearest half decent town is a 40 minute drive but nevertheless I had to stock up on essentials and grab some food bits and Josh was happy to stay home so I went.
I sat down in Costa and had a drink (paid for by my Costa points so it was free!) I got a drink and painted my nails. It was lovely.
But I can’t help feeling guilty for enjoying it. Why do I enjoy time away from the girls so much? Am I a bad Mum?! My husband tells me I deserve it but I feel wrong for taking time off. You see my girls are my whole world. Not just emotionally, practically too. My life revolves around them. I don’t have a job or much that takes me away from them and as such I don’t treasure every moment. My family come over a lot and when I watch them playing with the girls I feel guilty because sometimes I think they enjoy it more than me. I start to worry that the girls will love others more because they’re more fun and I’m the one who does the things they don’t like such as changing their nappies and giving them food that they throw on the floor.
I try my best but it’s impossible to be fun, attentive mum all day every day when there’s high chairs to be cleaned, food deliveries to be ordered and toilets to be scrubbed. And sometimes to be honest they just drive me mad with their fighting and I get pretty bored reading the same books again and again.
I think that’s why I feel guilty for having a day off… like somehow I’m losing points with them or one the great global mum leader board.
I know in my head that having time off is not wrong and probably lots of other mums feel like this but I still feel that gut wrenching knot in my stomach!
Does anyone else relate?