Jealousy is something I’ve always struggled with. Growing up I envied my friends as I perceived they had everything better than me. Better clothes, more money or more attractive. I might have felt jealous about certain friends being closer than I was or doing things I didn’t get to do.
I used to be jealous of women in the street because I felt they had a better figure than me or more confidence.
I’ve realised as I’ve got older that all jealousy is born out of insecurity. Insecurity in me is what fuelled jealousy in my heart with my friends growing up and it’s still something I struggle with now. Yes, I’m more confident in myself and who I am but it doesn’t mean those insecurities no longer exist.
Now my insecurities are focussed less around my looks but more around my success. My life choices. My career. My home. My finances. My material possessions amongst other things. But I’ve recently been thinking about things differently.
The way I see it now is that if everyone is different and acknowledges that, there’s no place for jealousy. I’ll put it this way, my very good friend Vicki recently got married. Her wedding was amazing and it was totally different to mine in a lot of ways. Because of this, I didn’t go round at her wedding thinking about which was better, I just enjoyed it! There was no comparison because they were totally different days!
This attitude is what I want to bring in to every part of my life. I don’t need to be jealous of any one else’s life or journey because it’s just different to mine. We are in totally different ball parks, totally different lanes.
There’s a common misconception that someone else’s success devalues yours. Someone else being beautiful makes you ugly. Someone else being intelligent makes you stupid. But that is simply not the case! Talent, beauty, life experiences, they don’t run out or used up by the person in front of you.
It’s the same with God’s blessings. Heidi Baker says “because Jesus died, there’s always enough”. God doesn’t run out of blessings. It can be easy to see other people having blessings raining down on them and start to feel bitter but there’s that insecurity creeping in again. God still has enough blessings left for you, they keep coming and coming.
So rather than letting jealousy and insecurity take over… I am trying to teach myself to celebrate other people. Celebrate their blessings and their good times and enjoy my own too.