Whilst I was pregnant I was reading a few blogs by mums and heard about this concept called “mum guilt”. It essentially meant when you’re a mum and you feel guilty because you don’t feel like your child is getting the best. It can be if you buy something for yourself and you feel guilty for not spending the money on your child or simply when your child falls over and you feel guilty.
I never thought I’d suffer with this being that I’m not a particularly maternal person. I didn’t think having babies would affect me so strongly. However I can tell you now that mum guilt is definitely real and hitting me quite hard!
Right now I don’t feel guilty about spending a bit of money on myself as I know the girls have more than everything they need. I don’t feel guilty for taking an hour away from them if I know they’re well looked after.
The guilt I feel should be renamed twin guilt. I feel guilty that I have to split myself down the middle and yet someone always ends up getting less. As I write this I’m feeding Margot and I can hear Dotty getting grizzly. She’s just filled her nappy and is probably a bit uncomfy. There’s nothing I can do right now because I’m giving Margot what she needs! It’s worse when I’m home alone and seeing to one of the girls and the other starts screaming the house down and I can’t do a thing about it. As I imagine happens with all twins… one of my girls is much easier though I won’t name names on the Internet! But because of that I often feel the other will get so much more of my attention and precious bonding time. Then again I sometimes think I favour the easier twin simply because she is easier.
Either way I seem to be stuck in an endless cycle of feeling guilty. It’s probably something I’m going to be experiencing for the rest of my life. I’m sure things will change as they grow up buy I suspect the guilt will never go away!